4/25/18 Change it Up
Hello All, been some time since I've used this little blog and it makes sense. One gets into the rut and fails to keep things fresh every so often, this also seems to have correlated with a relatively severe depressed period, which again, makes sense. I'm very lucky that I don't really get terribly depressed, and more just low for long periods of time. Usually I finally pull out of it once I get too bored of just sitting around. Which is what's happened. I had a realization over the past two months, that the Dave Ramsey debt free goal is good, it's wise, but it's not meant to be all I care about for so long. At least not at my age now. The gazelle intensity he talks about in getting debt free seems to be more designed for older people with established careers. I'm not giving up on Dave Ramsey, I'm still following his program, but I'm going to work substantially less for now and focus on developing my income making skills. So about 20% of my income is going to progressing in the Dave Ramsey program, of course 10% for tithing, and 5% saving up for a ring - just to entertain the delusion that I'm ever getting married. I've developed my skill of budgeting so much that I can accomplish this very easily while still meeting all the required spending I need for rent, school, and miscellaneous things. With these things in mind, even if I were to make less than half of my current income I'd still be debt free by next year while paying off school for fall semester without debt. I'll probably get impatient and work a little extra here or there, but that's in the future. Aaanyways, that's really not the point of this blog post.
Just like I'm budgeting my money better, I'm learning principals about budgeting my time. Really any finite resource needs to be "budgeted", once I give myself time to do so, I'll be better at doing it with my space as well. But, I've become less and less happy with my finance goal, and it's because of this: it is imbalanced. I think it's a quality of excellence that people who accomplish things have the ability to focus on one thing at one time and not multi-task. That being said, certain upkeep activities need to be prioritized. As much as I'd love to lock myself in a room with a piano for 3 years and do nothing but practice. I need to eat, sleep, and money to do those two things as well. And that's really what I'm getting at. I need to budget in time to perform these upkeep behaviors and focus on side goals that, while not my main focus, will maintain my health and balance enough to focus down my main goal with more energy and creativity. My main goal is no longer "making more money", and probably won't be money for a good decade.
I want to be clear that "budgeting" doesn't mean overworking my time, really it just means being aware of what I'm spending my time on. That's what I do with my money budgeting. I spend a fair jot of money on fun and food, but I'm aware of how much time that is and how much it's costing me. I had a surreal experience recently of going to do a 0 balance budget with my time (like I do with my money), and realized that I'm already doing that, and I in fact have so little time to spare, that doing more was laughable. And that's when I realized that my priorities needed to take a paradigm shift. Less time spent working, a little more sleeping, and if I am going to school, a realistic assessment of how much time that takes and a bummer resignation to the fact that I won't be able to do much else if I want to do well in it. So, just like one has to do with money, I need to spend more time on my "four walls" (In money this is things like rent, food, clothes, and car costs that can't be avoided). I need to block out time to read, clean up my space, plan my day and be aware of my schedule and budget, have a spiritual and social life, work just enough, and exercise. My money goal has ravaged my physical health and I'm the fattest I've ever been. Once that time is established I need to defend it to the teeth. Then, once I'm sure I can do those things without throwing my life away to them entirely (something that will definitely happen at first), I can spend my time on the big things, the big goals. These things like learning Chinese, writing out my stories, becoming a greater artistic talent, achieving physical excellence, and establishing a reputation of good management and reliability both in myself and the future family I theoretically will have.
Sometimes I look at my life and I'm very upset that I'm not further along in school than I am currently. Looking back, I can see how and why it happened, and thinking back doesn't change things, and if I could I couldn't want to, because that's how things are. You either accept life as it is and try to change the future or you continue going forward with a limping backward glance. That being said, it's hard for me to take school terribly seriously. I know so many people who have gone through school and not only struggle to find work, but are very bitter about their experience, having several thousand dollars in student loans as well. For me, I think the shortest and most rewarding path to wealth is Chinese. If I really hunker down, study excruciatingly hard and get certifications like the HSK tests etc, there's no reason I can't make a very good living with that ability alone. That information makes me want to get a bachelors in something I'm more passionate about despite the risk of it not being "useful" in the marketplace, because really just having a bachelors seems to be the bar of entry, and entry doesn't mean you're making a livable wage. It's my own responsibility to make that happen, not some overpriced slip of paper. If and when I get college degrees, I will do it without debt and in things that I genuinely want to learn and spend my life exploring- even if that means school doesn't happen as early as it does for others. I would be more upset about this feeling if other degree holders agreed with me, but actually of the people (with degrees) I talk to about this, just nod their head and agree with me that it's probably wise. I'll make it easier for my kids to get a degree debt free in the future, pass it on.
So, time to try again, time leave the cozy sleep-like comfort of depressed acceptance of the now, to push myself just a little bit more to be just a little bit better, more capable, time to be uncomfortable and push things just a bit further that my abilities tell me I can right now. Time to be a little better balanced, and a lot better adjusted, and to do it for me this time.
To quote the fantastic Dance Kinesthesiology book I read in China,
"Growth is a risky business. One cannot stay safe and grow. To grow means that one must take chances and push oneself beyond yesterday's limits... It is the serious dancer who says, "I don't care about that," and proceeds to achieve the impossible. That's growth. That's risk."
Just like I'm budgeting my money better, I'm learning principals about budgeting my time. Really any finite resource needs to be "budgeted", once I give myself time to do so, I'll be better at doing it with my space as well. But, I've become less and less happy with my finance goal, and it's because of this: it is imbalanced. I think it's a quality of excellence that people who accomplish things have the ability to focus on one thing at one time and not multi-task. That being said, certain upkeep activities need to be prioritized. As much as I'd love to lock myself in a room with a piano for 3 years and do nothing but practice. I need to eat, sleep, and money to do those two things as well. And that's really what I'm getting at. I need to budget in time to perform these upkeep behaviors and focus on side goals that, while not my main focus, will maintain my health and balance enough to focus down my main goal with more energy and creativity. My main goal is no longer "making more money", and probably won't be money for a good decade.
I want to be clear that "budgeting" doesn't mean overworking my time, really it just means being aware of what I'm spending my time on. That's what I do with my money budgeting. I spend a fair jot of money on fun and food, but I'm aware of how much time that is and how much it's costing me. I had a surreal experience recently of going to do a 0 balance budget with my time (like I do with my money), and realized that I'm already doing that, and I in fact have so little time to spare, that doing more was laughable. And that's when I realized that my priorities needed to take a paradigm shift. Less time spent working, a little more sleeping, and if I am going to school, a realistic assessment of how much time that takes and a bummer resignation to the fact that I won't be able to do much else if I want to do well in it. So, just like one has to do with money, I need to spend more time on my "four walls" (In money this is things like rent, food, clothes, and car costs that can't be avoided). I need to block out time to read, clean up my space, plan my day and be aware of my schedule and budget, have a spiritual and social life, work just enough, and exercise. My money goal has ravaged my physical health and I'm the fattest I've ever been. Once that time is established I need to defend it to the teeth. Then, once I'm sure I can do those things without throwing my life away to them entirely (something that will definitely happen at first), I can spend my time on the big things, the big goals. These things like learning Chinese, writing out my stories, becoming a greater artistic talent, achieving physical excellence, and establishing a reputation of good management and reliability both in myself and the future family I theoretically will have.
Sometimes I look at my life and I'm very upset that I'm not further along in school than I am currently. Looking back, I can see how and why it happened, and thinking back doesn't change things, and if I could I couldn't want to, because that's how things are. You either accept life as it is and try to change the future or you continue going forward with a limping backward glance. That being said, it's hard for me to take school terribly seriously. I know so many people who have gone through school and not only struggle to find work, but are very bitter about their experience, having several thousand dollars in student loans as well. For me, I think the shortest and most rewarding path to wealth is Chinese. If I really hunker down, study excruciatingly hard and get certifications like the HSK tests etc, there's no reason I can't make a very good living with that ability alone. That information makes me want to get a bachelors in something I'm more passionate about despite the risk of it not being "useful" in the marketplace, because really just having a bachelors seems to be the bar of entry, and entry doesn't mean you're making a livable wage. It's my own responsibility to make that happen, not some overpriced slip of paper. If and when I get college degrees, I will do it without debt and in things that I genuinely want to learn and spend my life exploring- even if that means school doesn't happen as early as it does for others. I would be more upset about this feeling if other degree holders agreed with me, but actually of the people (with degrees) I talk to about this, just nod their head and agree with me that it's probably wise. I'll make it easier for my kids to get a degree debt free in the future, pass it on.
So, time to try again, time leave the cozy sleep-like comfort of depressed acceptance of the now, to push myself just a little bit more to be just a little bit better, more capable, time to be uncomfortable and push things just a bit further that my abilities tell me I can right now. Time to be a little better balanced, and a lot better adjusted, and to do it for me this time.
To quote the fantastic Dance Kinesthesiology book I read in China,
"Growth is a risky business. One cannot stay safe and grow. To grow means that one must take chances and push oneself beyond yesterday's limits... It is the serious dancer who says, "I don't care about that," and proceeds to achieve the impossible. That's growth. That's risk."
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