A day late, but ripe with realizations.

This week, the biggest realization that I came to was that I'm a big whiner baby. I've been complaining about how time consuming, easy, and pointless school is. Really it's just been a gross victim play. I felt it on myself today and suddenly felt how not okay with that I was. I sat down in the library for almost 9 hours today. I did a lot of homework, I played a lot of video games. So much of both that I'm pretty much sick of them. 3 months ago, my solution would be writing up plans, working myself harder, finding loose time that I can improve myself with. But, that's not really wise. I don't want to be a victim and just say boohoo, because of school I have no time or money and therefore must be chubby and stressed. Even though there's some truth to that, I can compartmentalize a little bit and try to have some fun and take loose time when I seldom get it to be healthy.

I was met with some shocking information this week that put some things into perspective for me. My mission companion who died almost 3 years ago while I was in China, was a suicide. I knew about his death, and I knew it was an overdose. But, I was never sure if it was intentional or accidental. Part of me wanted to avoid knowing out of some kind of respect. I randomly met a man had also been his companion on the mission, and he told me the facts. Whatever problems I have, I'm not dead, and I'm extremely grateful for that. There's a lot of things I don't like about myself. Skills I haven't magnified, relationships I haven't forged, and music that is still in me. It's not all that bad.

7 more months of school, and one of my biggest weights around my neck disappears. As long as I'm slowed down, I should get good sleep, have fun, and start going out at nights more. Get a social life rolling a little.