A Personal Reflection made Clear by Crisis
The horrible effects of the pandemic Corona-virus have, so far, been exclusively positive for me. I hated going in for my college classes. I really like learning on my own and working hard for real results, not just academia. I wanted an excuse to quit my job running pizzas. I had just gotten my tax return and am able to comfortably live off of that for the next two months. I already have interviews lined up with an incredible company that would be really satisfying work and get me on a little journey travelling out of Utah. Graduation from college has been postponed to August. All of these things were fine, didn't challenge my lifestyle much, and made me more able to do things on my own terms. Today, I found out that the CFA level 1 certification test has been postponed until December. This means that I can go work sooner, this means that I have even longer to prepare for the test and all sense of urgency or time restriction has disappeared. Truly, a curse upon the world has been a blessing for me. I can even still exercise and run, assuming I do it out in nature and not around people.
Once I heard the CFA news, something snapped in my mind and I realized something sobering. School and the demands of my life have become a consistent excuse for me to push myself and try to be excellent. I've made myself a victim of the demanding aspects of my life for a long time now. It's easy to say, "I'll exercise later", or "Once I graduate I'll do these things". Well, my bluff has been called. There's nothing in the way of me using this time of altered classes and fewer demands on my time to get fit, establish good studying habits for non-school pursuits, and finally stop hiding from my artistic impulses.
I don't mean to say this in a self-flagellating way, it's just a normal part of life. We get less efficient in our behavior or lose our way and have to correct ourselves, and that's alright. I've actually done pretty well with my social life lately, which is better than I usually do when I'm stressing myself out. So, this period of victimization hasn't been fruitless, it's helped chill me out. I feel like I grew up with a strange "chosen one" complex that was totally unearned and really untrue. Now that I've let go of that more it's much easier to enjoy life and do real work rather than idealized dreaming with no results.
As time goes on, I'm sure the corona virus with have a more negative impact on my life personally. But, for now, I'm grateful for the effect that it's had on my life. I'm taking it day by day, but I'm going to try and push myself again. Make myself work harder and more consistently. Now that I don't have the same structure of college, it's up to me more to make this period of my life fulfilling and productive.
Once I heard the CFA news, something snapped in my mind and I realized something sobering. School and the demands of my life have become a consistent excuse for me to push myself and try to be excellent. I've made myself a victim of the demanding aspects of my life for a long time now. It's easy to say, "I'll exercise later", or "Once I graduate I'll do these things". Well, my bluff has been called. There's nothing in the way of me using this time of altered classes and fewer demands on my time to get fit, establish good studying habits for non-school pursuits, and finally stop hiding from my artistic impulses.
I don't mean to say this in a self-flagellating way, it's just a normal part of life. We get less efficient in our behavior or lose our way and have to correct ourselves, and that's alright. I've actually done pretty well with my social life lately, which is better than I usually do when I'm stressing myself out. So, this period of victimization hasn't been fruitless, it's helped chill me out. I feel like I grew up with a strange "chosen one" complex that was totally unearned and really untrue. Now that I've let go of that more it's much easier to enjoy life and do real work rather than idealized dreaming with no results.
As time goes on, I'm sure the corona virus with have a more negative impact on my life personally. But, for now, I'm grateful for the effect that it's had on my life. I'm taking it day by day, but I'm going to try and push myself again. Make myself work harder and more consistently. Now that I don't have the same structure of college, it's up to me more to make this period of my life fulfilling and productive.
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